Psychological Posts

Apparently, when one has a “calling” as it were, one never seems to grow out of it. After thirty years of teaching psychology and practicing psychotherapy, it seems that neither have I. Perhaps I am a reflection of the times we live in since I feel pulled to post, occasionally, on psycho-social items of interest. Or, if they are not, they should be. Perhaps, it is also a reaction to a time when ignored are facts, science, knowledge, even serious thought about what and who so profoundly effect the wider world and the people in it.

In particular, it is the prevalence of thoughtless hostility, of sexist and racist attitudes, the emergence of paranoid suspiciousness and conspiracy theorising not seen in the United States since the fifties, that demand a civilised and hopefully educated response. Beyond that, the erosion of civility, the manifest distancing of person from person via social media “friendships” and “communication” and most dangerously, the open assault on integrity, on truth and on the disseminators of information prompt me to respond in a way that is not only informed by science and fact but is provided from a psychological perspective that exhorts us to eschew these trends.

(Comments may be made on the Blog page.)

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A Warning and a Reminder

I wrote the articles below some time ago. Alas, their relevance is, today, even greater. Thus, I´m reproducing here a salient paragraph from each of the sociopathy and narcissism articles. Feel free to read on.

The danger of sociopaths being in positions of power, in a family, a community or a nation should be apparent. Unfortunately, their charming, narcissistic, permission-giving voices are music to the ears of those who are meeting life difficulties with a similar, pathological stance, though they are not stone sociopaths themselves. Worse, every “You´re Not O.K.” belief in the sociopath´s audience, whether racist, sexist, religionist, nationalist and so on, is endorsed and encouraged.

Consider: narcissists are self-centered, arrogant in thought and behavior, lack empathy or consideration for other people, and display an excessive need for admiration however unearned. Even when it is hidden in flamboyance and charisma. They have a sense of entitlement, exploit others without guilt or shame, and will demean, manipulate, even bully, to obtain what they believe is their due.

Now consider the two rolled into one in a narcissist/sociopath and his followers.

Sociopathy, a New Norm Not a New Normal

Sociopathy is “a pervasive and persistent disregard for morals and the rights of others” evidenced in individuals who “have no compunction about exploiting others for their own gain,” who lie, manipulate and deceive “through a facade of superficial charm, displaying arrogance and lack remorse for their actions or any admission of fault” and indifference to the pain they cause others. This is because the “others” are defined as those to be used or those to be abused.

There are no friends. There are only teammates, collaborators, “family” who are willing to be used and who join in the abuse.

The racism, misogyny, bullying and swindling, prevarication and outright lying evidenced in public figures today should be enough to reveal them to be the sociopaths they are. It appears it isn’t. Maybe, at last, we should not be surprised. For what has been underplayed until now, even missed, is the “us versus them” mentality of the sociopath, unless one is discussing drug cartel kingpins or racist militia captains. In psychology, that mentality is a reflection of a characterological, not a neurotic, disorder. Or, put in words coined by Eric Berne, one whose life stance is “I´m O.K., You´re Not O.K.”

By itself, this stance can reveal something as common as a compensation (and not a positive one) by those who secretly believe themselves to be “Not O.K.” and want to act like they feel better because their life problems have been caused by “Others.” It can also be a hostile, rigid, aggressive life stance by a sociopathic abuser who is immune to therapy. As too many therapists have discovered doing Couples Therapy where abuse is present, the abuser is by his (or her) words, the wronged, the hurt, the abused and, importantly, the justified.

The danger of sociopaths being in positions of power, in a family, a community or a nation should be apparent. Unfortunately, their charming, narcissistic, permission-giving voices are music to the ears of those who are meeting life difficulties with a similar, pathological stance, though they are not stone sociopaths themselves. Worse, every “You´re Not O.K.” belief in the sociopath´s audience, whether racist, sexist, religionist, nationalist and so on, is endorsed and encouraged.

The problem for those who live psychologically normal interpersonal lives is they cannot identify with those who deliberately promote such prejudice, separation and animosity. The normal person cannot imagine, cannot fathom, that such persons, especially those with polish, status and standing, are in fact sociopaths. That they are cold role-players acting, not from a belief system or concern for others as they claim, but out of a callous desire to incite division and hatred solely to dominate others and benefit themselves.

But they are.

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To Gaslight or Simply to Lie

One might say, “that is the question.” But the truth is that the best way to succeed at the latter is to set up a “belief dynamic” by doing the former.

Gaslighting refers to a kind of manipulation where the manipulator wants others to question their own reality, memory or perceptions. When this is done by a leader and his constituency it can be extremely dangerous, as it is a common strategy of dictators and dictators-to-be.

When gaslighting happens in the public arena and the manipulator has enough power or significance, others may change their perceptions, beliefs, even their knowledge of reality to avoid internal conflict.

The term comes from a 1938 play, “Gas Light” in which a man manipulates his wife into believing she’s losing her sense of reality so he can steal her inheritance. And theft remains the goal in the public arena as well, theft of position, theft of authority, theft of the power to remain in charge.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline states gaslighting includes:

Withholding – refusing to listen (you may recognize, “sit down, be quiet” or more effectively, simply responding to someone else, then lecturing)

Countering -questioning the other´s memory (recall, “that is fake news” or “that never happened, I never said that” though there is video of it precisely)

Blocking/diverting -changing the subject (“All of this is part of a hoax, a witchhunt, an attack on democracy”-ie. Me)

Trivializing -holding he other´s thoughts as unimportant (“Just part of the hoax, made up facts” and “he is a failure” and “I am the greatest, best, etc. in history”)

Forgetting/denial -pretending to have forgotten or denying it (“I have no memory of that” or “I doubt that happened and no one remembers it anyway”)

Once facts are obliterated or continually denied and countered, the fact-finders vilified, and facts themselves rendered unimportant (you may recall, “remember, what you are seeing and hearing is not really happening”) then the speaker, in particular one with power and a bully pulpit, becomes the sole source of truth and therefore of meaning for those who have been successfully “turned” or “co-opted. The “belief dynamic” has been installed. The believers are the new re-transmitters of the manipulator´s lies, defamations, even his disprovable theories of conspiracy.

All against the gaslighter, of course, who is now the Liar-in-Chief and rules as such if he is the politician in charge.

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When is it More than Narcissism?

Well known throughout the world, not merely the Western one, is narcissism, the hyper focus on oneself common to the rich, the indulged, the powerful everywhere. As are the unfortunate consequences to those who are forced to engage with it, or worse, be subordinate to it. Psychologists have long recognized this quality, defining it as a constellation of personality variables which range on a continuum from an aspect of a person´s maniere de être to his or her personality en toto. In the latter extreme, it is a personality disorder, one highly resistant to change.

In that disorder, the individual is beset by the need to be recognized and praised, for his or her exceptionality up to the point of true dysfunction. What is not recognized, even acknowledged, is that there is a more extreme but less overtly dysfunctional version, fortunately rare, present in those who would dictate to others, not only in dictators themselves but in psychopathic criminals who can be intellectually potent enough to go undiscovered, even when their narcissism is on full display. This version is always exceedingly dangerous in potential and, when successful, in fact.

Consider: narcissists are self-centered, arrogant in thought and behavior, lack empathy or consideration for other people, and display an excessive need for admiration however unearned. Even when it is hidden in flamboyance and charisma. They have a sense of entitlement, exploit others without guilt or shame, and will demean, manipulate, even bully, to obtain what they believe is their due.

Now consider this: psychopaths, who may utterly lack conscience, guilt or empathy which makes them manipulative and callously volatile, are willing to use others for their own sometimes criminal ends. For example, Harvey Weinstein used his position to hold up actress´s careers, actresses as famous as Anabella Sciorra, while he bullied them demanding sexual favors all the while maintaining his power in the movie industry. He invited Sciorra to his suite where scripts were laid out on the bed which Weinstein said she could “choose” if she would have oral sex with him. He forced Miriam Haley, onto the bed, pinning her arms back, saying she would never work as an actress without him. After fighting, she collapsed and he raped her. When she refused his later advances, she never worked as an actress again. Eighty women made similar claims. Though Weinstein was convicted, psychopaths are, by predilection, abusers and pathological liars with grandiose notions of self-worth and no regard for law or convention, except in manipulating them. There has never been an admission of guilt by Weinstein. Psychopaths may demonstrate shallow emotions yet are actually indifferent to others´ feelings despite their narcissism and totally lack empathy, even enjoying the pain they cause, which is justified since it meets their ends. They lie as a way of being and lack remorse or guilt about lying since it always serves themselves.

The most significant difference between the two is that the narcissist needs others, for praise, adulation, specialness and constant reaffirmation of their personal reality. The profoundly psychopathic, including this extreme version of narcissism, does not. What they derive themselves through their own actions, is what matters, titillates, energizes. Think of the ongoing narcissism yet horrific psychopathy of Ted Bundy, Saddam Hussein, Harvey Weinstein, Larry Nassar or Catherine Tramell of Basic Instinct.

Consider Bundy. A sexual predator, a successful serial killer and torturer, an abject liar, indifferent to the pain he caused, even revelling in it as he denied his actions yet asked about them, basking in the limelight, the attention, as the metaphorical noose was tightening around his neck. In several famous interviews, he insisted on their being filmed and attempted to ensure they´d be broadcast as he played to the camera thoughtfully, charismatically. Yet even with the extreme narcissist like Bundy. the difference remains. Bundy, a stone psychopath, did not rely on that limelight or the interviewer as the smug internally driven praise he gave himself was all he required.

If a society needs a cold-blooded decision-maker in some circumstance, the psychopath may actually be of service. But only in such a narrow context. To fall victim to the psychopathic-narcissist, to believe his or her redefinition and manipulation of reality and, worse, to provide him power, is to have any of those listed above, from Hussein to Weinstein to Bundy, placed in charge. To the ordinary, normal person who may not be able to grasp or believe the extremity of the resultant danger–beware. While to the society, the people, that make the governmental empowerment mistake–you have not only endangered yourselves but all those about you.

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